We left our skulls in our hometown
Chocolate covered in sugar and protein
Made me feel better to eat sweeter
I had a thought as I sat on the edge of my bed
On this night, summer solstice
But I didn't spend much time with the moon
Other than to tip my top hat
That this whole journey
Every single second, bit of it
It all brought me here.

Thats why the ink on my leg embodies me, my soul
The essence
I didn't know what it wanted to be
And neither did I
I remember
Like the blinking and flashing of a thousand eyes
Walking in the fall of Chicago
In the skirts of Bucktown
You rode your longboard down the street
Or met me in Andersonville as per my request
Dunkin Donuts coffee
Don't you
Don't you
You must remember
Don't you?
Or I sat at a bar and waited for you
We rode the train
We wrote and carved our name
In the haves and have nots
The sunlight hit you in your favorite straw hat
I know you have the remember that
"I've never dated a professional director before"
You said it and spoke it
With such a mysterious amusement
And those words alone
You asked me how I felt about dating a professional dancer
I remember
My answer must have sounded like
A scuba diver trying to make phone calls under water
And today, as I was trapped once again at the hostess stand
I relived and saw it all
In my gloomy summer June haze.

Every single moment
Breath
A tight red dress at the Christmas party
The way you grabbed my *** before you left
Like it still belonged to you
I ran away from the Halloween Harry Potter themed party
And abandoned you
Only to come back because I was scared
Of what it meant to leave you alone
What it meant when I woke you up
To say I'm sorry lets work it out
The dinners I cooked
The soggy pasta you made
We watched Candy and wept
Did ******* to forget
That you would eventually
Steal your sweatshirt back
While I was not home
Without a word.

Because its all
Just come to that
Rainbow colored hair
And you fading away
I just loved how you talked to me
I thought we might side step
Waltz around the town
Worship the marks on our backs
But really truly
I guess,
You couldn't hang.

I'm not sure what it is
Perhaps the time of year
Our palms met with the newness
We had our first kiss
I came over almost everyday
But also stayed away
"I'm trying to make art things happen!"
I remember texting you as you tried to convince me to come over
And I meant it.
Every word, every syllable, every consonant
Of that sentence
And it took me a whole year
To sit on the edge of my bed eating ice cream
In the month of June 2016
To simply understand
That I came here not really knowing
Or even owning
What I wanted to do yet.

A big experiment, audition
I wear almost every hat
It enlightens me
And exhausts me
I allow myself to breathe
I thought to myself
Several times today
But I carve it out in stone here now
Close my eyes at the end of the night
Remember wearing the maroon sweatshirt of another man
My hair *****
I washed my parts in the sink
From the scapegoat of another man
And let you have me
Only to watch you take bottles of wine away
And remind me
I'm trying to make art things happen.

"Why do you hate me so much"
I heard and felt myself type in my minds eye
But I don't send it
I don't even type it
Like I was once wont to do
Its been 3 years and a past lover of mine
Expresses his mourning for the loss of us
3. Years.
Will you too, someday see?

But really
It doesn't matter
It just doesn't
I acknowledge the image of you behind the children's toys
Or the way I reflected in your aviator sunglasses
Or the fact you haven't deleted a single picture of me from your facebook
What haunts me the most
Is that I poured out every ounce of kindness I had left
And you smacked it away with your bright tank tops
And little man ways
Because you couldn't take
That I was just trying to make art things happen.