Did it make you feel so good
To decide to be the one to fill your cup
To the brim with hatred and abandonment
Was it because I raised my white flag one last time
And you had to be the one
With the last word
The one to echo, nod and say
In your colorful get up
Goodbye girl
You never mattered at all.

Or perhaps
I mattered much, too much
I'm not sure what happened
But I don't dance next to the river with you
Any longer.

I guess its good
I guess I'm glad
Most of the time
But my heart pangs and rings
From time to time
When I hear your name, see pictures of your face
And I guess thats why you replaced me
With such swift demise
And a candor for silly ink
In order to make me matter less.

I heard you asked about my movie
When really,
You asked about me
This town ain't that big sweetheart
Did you heart about how I've tried?
I kissed a note in pale pink lipstick
Called you on the phone to say I'm so sorry for your loss
But something within you
Made you fight my love
With one final blow.

If you could
I think you might would do me harm
And what echoes throughout my days
Is how could someone that loved me so dearly
Evoke and turn to such hatred?

You threw me from the wolves
Into the ocean, waved goodbye
I made art out of it all
And if it wasn't for our downfall
I wouldn't be where I'm at
But don't you wish
Don't you see
That I've left you behind in year 1
Just like I knew I always would.

A personification of what was
This time last year we smiled over short distances
A haze of newness, you said all the right things baby
Be mine forever, you said
It would be so nice if this was here when I returned
I opened my heart to you
Because it was all I knew how to do
But something within me
Fought against it with a knowledge
With a knowledge that it wasn't quite right.

I wonder if you've soaked up the blood just yet
Laid in your bed, new women or men by your side
I've got new ink too baby.

One day
Our faces will meet once more
Will you be so kind?
Rewind
Rewind
Rewind
To the thousands of times
I've convinced myself the men sitting across from me
Were right
Because you all pleaded me to see it.

I gave it to you
I slapped myself into an oblivion
Picked up your drunken Peter Pan behavior
I write about you more and more rarely now
But hear and feel poetry through out all of my days
I don't know what it will take
But I see and I feel and I know
I need a breath of such fresh air
In a number of ways.

Do you hear my voice, see my eyes
Like you once admitted in the winter time
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
****.
I'm just sorry.

I wasn't
You weren't
I know you wanted to be the one
And deep in my soul
I can only hate you so much for that.