Stop leaving me here to kiss the ghost of my better self
Why are you messing up again and again
spread my blood on your walls with the hands that once held my heart so delicately
I think I've become the thing that you saw in your nightmares tearing you limb from limb
you've only made me feel like I'm drowning in the dark ocean rather than burning in your light
the last time I saw you, you looked so happy
I'm so sorry for pushing you all away but is it saving myself from being hurt or is it just my selfishness
I don't know how to handle the tears that seep through my clothes anymore because they're making me freeze
I'm sick of everyone saying that things will be okay because there's a few months of good until you get shit on again
I don't exist anymore to you
And definitely not to them
For some reason that I don't think I will ever understand, they built a house inside me and then lit it aflame just to see me burn
Do I understand why they lied?
No
Will I ever?
No
I'm sorry but it may not seem like it but I was giving you my all but I guess that just wasn't good enough because you were running away like wolves
And to be honest I don't even think that it's still you that I'm missing, just something that burns cigarette holes in my heart once again
it's always been my dream to be empty but now that I am I don't feel content
Everything that I am doing now is not what I imagined to be doing 2 months ago
I've drank so much to forget your ways
This feeling of wanting you comes but never stays
I miss the dark side of my emotions because at least then I had a reason to be upset because this feeling in my chest is suffocating
I am not sad
I am not mad
I am not glad
This is an existence that is rotting into my skin
Writing down all of this does not help ease the pain
Imaginary friend
I am conjuring you up in my head because all of my friends left me for dead