people always say
that a girl's first love
should be her father
what happens when
her father chooses something
else to be the focus of his love
instead of her?
she learns from his absence.
as kids, we pick up on everything
constantly learning
watching your every move
i learned things
from watching you
some i wish i hadn't
some i'm glad i have
i learned that i accept
the love that i think i deserve
since i learned how to receive love
from you
that i often accept way less
than i deserve
i also learned patience and
how to love people just to love them
not expecting anything in return
i learned that people make time
for what truly matters to them
if you can't spare the time
then you don't really care
i understand that actions have consequences
and that
you don't seem to realize that your actions
have consequences
that sometimes
the consequences affect me
or my brother
through watching you i have learned
that you can't make someone care about you
it's a waste of breath to try
that sometimes you deserve more love
than someone is willing to offer you
even if that someone is your father
you see, when i was little
i always called myself a "daddy's girl"
i clung to you when you were around
because you weren't around much
a lot of people are devastated
when their parents
get divorced
i cannot say that i felt the same way
your absence wasn't anything
i wasn't already familiar with
i would never miss the temper
you directed towards my mom
while you've been out
playing the blame game
pretending that your decisions don't
affect anyone else's lives
i have been watching with child-like eyes
learning for the most part
what not to do
you were the cause
my life was the effect
i learned that parents are supposed to
be the adults
sometimes they act like children
the most important lesson
that you never taught me
is that sometimes people
don't deserve the love you give them
but you give it to them anyways
not because of anything they have done
for you
simply because
so thank you
for all the life lessons
for helping me develop character
i might not have otherwise acquired
thank you for helping me realize
that i can stand up for myself
even to you
that doesn't mean
i don't still love you
even though
i learned all of these things in spite of you
i still always love you.