Sorry for saying ****.
I had no idea how bad it would hurt when I tore your name from my vocal chords. I had no idea that I would fall in love with the idea of falling in love. Maybe I'm just meant to be lonely. It's funny because my standards rise and fall but you seem to be a perfect match no matter where they are.

In not sure what that says about you

Ow, ****
There I go again. Sinking a ciggarettes fingers deep into my lungs to pull out the words "I love you". I think I over shot though. Instead of not saying it when I look at you, I can't say it when I see my reflection. I spend every waking moment trying not to think about it, so I guess I spend every moment thinking about it.

Well, ****
I'm tired.
I sleep.
I wake.
I sleep.
I haven't eaten a full meal in almost 2 weeks and my stomach shrinks at the thought of having ever contained the bile that pours from your mouth and into mine. Just the other I told myself I hated you, I didn't believe it but it was worth a try. I can't say when I'll ever stop associating your name with nicotine, but until then, here's to you tobacco industry for making me feel a little less alone.

The truth is I _ my friends.
.
.
.
I think something is wrong here let me try again

I love my friends.
There we go.
It just took a minute for me to realize I have those. I'm still not used to it.

I hope they understand that I love them regardless of their flaws, and they always have me. Even if they forget about me I'll still be here.

And here you are. You can't even answer my texts but I still find myself entranced by your call whenever you crying pierces the night.

I guess I _ you.
Wait.
I you.
.
.
.
Finally.