Today. An array and wash of moments blurring and standing apart In the warm Chicago sun Almost as if to be a relief, reminder That time does pass and we too, Must flow and grow with it I wore a little black crop top Black harem pants My amethyst necklace Red lipstick One streak of green Hair pulled in a half up twist Two different earrings My steel toed boots
And I met you.
I told Alex Because I needed to make someone aware Felt it, gave over to it Around 11pm “This time last year I met you for the first time in a 711” “Haha and the world was never the same.” He replied.
Something about being surrounded by the vocabulary of everything I gave up Made it hard to move past thoughts of you today. Z. Z. Z. Where o where Did you place The L Is it still in your wallet? Where all your dollar bills lie But when a feeling in me shifts as the geese and swans Croon and sing high above my head Grudges. She got a grudge. He got a grudge. She was nice for the first time in months Group mentality, lets crucify those we can’t understand “Thats the point. Only idiots forget.”
Really, truly. I’m just so relieved For a multitude of reasons.
But I guess what aches Is that I came here and gave my heart away With a naive bliss that I just now recognize Truly and with such conviction On the days I feel and fear That my face looks so tired and wise And fully see with my own third eye The blindedness of it all. That it was.
And like a flurry of quick motions and camera frames Flash back to cab rides where I felt trapped My depressed state, running away My hands slapping your face when you professed love Much too early The singular few times it was good The way you looked at me on the train In windows, the loving phrase you constantly repeated The way you would take a big step back and sigh Whenever you had to see my face again The final night I let you in and you layed next to me And told me I was the worst as if it were a love sonnet And you meant it As I attempted with passion and a clinging to not let go Entirely, of those few singular moments Where the light both shone on us And here I am a full year in Still writing about you.
After I met her Your new… Me I stopped trying to resolve our downfall in my dreams As I hope and deeply think Don’t pillage my mind tonight.
There is an awareness A sleep deprived awareness To my being today Lost cell phone A betrayed kiss Dancing and ******* You told me I was rejuvenating I looked for you Arguing outside in the street Revealing your innermost truth I so wanted to Play along with the charade You called me to say There was no cheating, no flirting This was it I was it In the darkness of my room When I needed you most You chose another woman instead I played the good little wife After then But put you to bed What I would call the last straw But I let you back in so many times Like I have been so wont to do (Let this be an end to all of that) With venomous teeth because thats what you made me— Thats what I made me.
Caged in a way I couldn’t understand.
Because you couldn’t Because you couldn’t You had to beat me to it You would later lay next to me Naked Stare at the ceiling Speak the words as if they were some secret confession
As I spun around the swan music box for the last time Don’t you see I’m inked to you forever?