My problem is that I feel too much.


When I was 14 I thought I loved a boy who cared nothing about me. I felt so much and didn't know how to handle it, so I began to cut.

When I cut it was the first time that I had control over what I felt, and it helped.


When I was 15 I fell in love with a boy who cared about me more than anything in the world.

I learned that there are better ways to be in control of what I felt, and I started writing poetry.


Now that I'm 19, and me and that boy have grown up, we've broken our own hearts by being so unsure with the world.


And I feel way too much.


More than when I thought I was in love the first time, more than when I knew I was in love the second.


My body is overcome by everything it feels.
My ******* turn into sobs.
My sobs turn into laughter.


Poetry helps, but not enough.


I haven't been eating enough, because by not eating I regain some control.


But I need something. I know there is something that is missing.


*And I'm going to find it.