So I never thought I would be writing this...I have recently had some amazing conversations with some inspirational people; who have all helped me to see where I have gone wrong recently:and trust me I have gone wrong a lot.....

Depression......what a word...I dont want that word near me;but its what I have been. Its an illness in the most complex ***** of the body that affects every aspect of you....sleep, food, ability to communicate effectively, or not communicate at all feeling fear of some thing and not quite sure what it is you may be fearing...There are feelings of anger, It's so strange, confusing, lonely, enlightening, interesting, challenging, reminiscent, sad, ashaming, happy although most of all thoughtful and thankful.

Its an illness that one in three of us suffer from. I actually believe that every one does, although people have different coping mechanisms. This is what I am learning about myself and others at the moment. Anyway...back to that word DEPRESSION....I have just written that in capitals for some reason, its like the ******* word - lol....For me it should be called realisation...my depression has been about change and managing this effectively and some times not so effectively....I have experienced change in who I am...peoples perception of me, and in every realtionship in my life there has been some adjusting....it been an interesting journey.

My angels...my friends and family....they are like diamonds in the sky...They have been there through this hard journey and I know it has not been easy for any of us....thank you for still loving me and continuing to understand me when I know at times you have wondered where the strong, open, bubbly fun JC has gone. And I know I have propably cause you a lot of frustration on the way, I know I have as I have caused myself some...lol.

I understand that and appriciate each and every one of you...thank you for your advice, smiles, for making me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry...I never knew humans could cry so many tears. You have picked me up when I was struggling and each in your individual ways and have carried me forwards...some times I have not recognise the impact of your words or actions for months...but suddenly some thing clicks...

I have been to some dark places recently and you have supported me and loved me...so for that my diamonds I will be eternally grateful.....

Some diamonds have been light and powerful and some have been heavy and wonderful.