I'm sad like taking six sleeping pills instead of one in an attempt to escape and sleep for a little
sad like looking into a cereal bowl and
crying, crying, crying
because I can only see reasons I shouldn't eat
it's creeping up on me in the night, this sickness
and I'm afraid to even touch you because what if you start to see the world in shades of gray
what if you stop seeing the blue of the sky and only see clouds even when the sun has been shining for a week straight
or what if this exhaustion that never leaves me walks into your body
and rests on your bones
keeps you up at night until you can feel its fingers wrapping around your wrist and dragging you down
crunching the bones in your arm and whispering,
“you are worthless. you are worthless. you are worthless.”
what if you wake up one morning and look in the mirror and your forehead is branded with all the reasons you don't deserve to be alive?
I'm so scared that's going to happen to you.
please don't touch me I am rotting inside and I am so afraid that if your fingertips sweep the hair off my face or if you press a kiss to my nose
then you will be buried along with me where nothing grows anymore