I laugh indoors
Like the sound of lullabies on Saturday night
Drowning in liquor
Seeping into my eardrums
Leaking through the bedsheets

I hold my breast in one hand
And my eyes in the other
Trying to maneuver the small talk I had wanted to abandon
Over dinner
Last week, or
Was it last month?

Maybe a year back.

It all comes crashing down
I swore to you that I was honest
That I did not need more than my daily bread
You pour wine down my throat
And grab my wrist as you twist my words
So I go up those stairs
And out of your life
And I hold my breath
So one day you won't have to


I was born and thrown into the deep end
Ankles twisting and cork heels breaking
Mascara running
Lipstick smears on your collar
Fear manifesting within the buttons on my shirt
As you pop each one onto the floor

To sleep perchance
To be awake
It isn't long until my back is in the grass
And my knees are red
From trying to grasp the need for all of it

Leave it be


I'm 15 and you're all but a fever dream.