The principle that
Everything has a cause -

If I have a purpose:
A cause worth believing
In every day when I wake
I haven't discovered it yet.

Many times in my life
I have questioned
If my existence is
Worth its weight
In gold.

Most often, the answer
I come to is no;
But that might be the self loathing
Part of my soul
Reminding me to keep
My feet on the ground.

I think about all the words
Left unspoken at dinner parties.
Or the birthdays I
Intentionally avoided
So that I didnt have to
Half smile at loved ones.

I think about my tongue
Tied end over end,
Instead of standing my ground.
I think of all the nieces and nephews
Who would remember me only
In pictures.

Other times however,
I think about what
It means when I take my
Thoughts and put them on paper;
Either as a poem or
A suicide note.

There are choices to be made
At every turn,
I could choose to end
This existence
But I wont.