How is this fair?
To make me suffer so much?
What kind of God are you?
To give me all this pain?

I don't ask for help
I don't ask for anything
So how can you expect me,
To ask help from you?

I can't even see you
Or hear you
Or hardly even feel you

So how is it even fair
That you expect me
To ask you
For help

I don't even talk to the people
Who are closest to me
So why should I talk to you?

If you're such a great
And glorious God,
Why did you "bless" me with all of this

It's WAY too much to handle
It's a personal living Hell
With the extreme mood swings
Called bipolar
And the sinking abyss
Of depression

That's not enough
No, not even close
Anxiety
High standards
Rebellious brother
Hurting friends

You broke me down
So much
"Gracious God"
That I can't help
The people I love
The people that YOU put in my life
To help
And love
And protect

So what am I supposed to do?
What exactly is it,
That you expect me to accomplish,
When I can barely breath?

Walking is hard
My limbs are made of jello
Thinking is near impossible
My brains are scrambled
My intestines are strange
They twist and turn

Nothing is easy for a human
But you must have really liked me
Or hated me
To give me what I have

Bipolar
Anxiety
Depression
All of it

All of it is a curse to me
I can never be normal
I can never have a normal life
I will always be in crippling pain
No matter what drugs they put me on

What do I get out of this?
How does this benefit either of us?
I can't do your work
And show the world your love
If I'm crying my eyes out in a dark corner
Now can I?

So how the hell, does this work?
What the hell am I supposed to do with all of it?
I am just causing the people I love pain
Because they hate seeing me in pain

Do I use it to make art?
Have compassion?
Am I supposed to help others?

Can you show up for once,
And just ******* tell me?
I'm sick of these riddles
And games you have me playing

I just want to feel better
I don't want to be numb
Or sick

I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to feel weak anymore
I don't want to deal with any of this anymore

I just want to be normal
And happy

Is that really too much to ask....?