Setting. A beach.
A security room.
A girlfriends hand grabbed me
We heard the iconic alarm
(That we had prepared ourselves for, so well)
Sound and ring
I couldn't remember what it meant
A flurry of female faces, my mother included
Gathered around me and said in unison
"It means he left her."

But could this be false?
We wondered.
I heard you say in the pan over to you
"I didn't think it would be like this. But this woman. She is my it"

It. It. It. It.
I transformed into a solider.

A blur of fast motion poolside bodies
Bright colored umbrellas
I smoked a cigarette in the security room
(That part I made up)
My mother grabbed the large back pack
And handed it to me
As if it were a grenade
I knew immediately what it was
What she meant.

Meanwhile
You, Lost Boy
Partied on the beach with your new woman
She wore a faded white to put the idea in your head
But at the particular moment
Alarms rang and rang
All along the perimeter of the beach
I grabbed the back pack
And went at it as if it were
The wounded corpse of a dying animal.

Notebooks. A pair of green shorts
(this, I remember all this so well)
A black notebook
(I searched through it as if trying to absorb and gather what IQ level she had)
I wanted to know if there was anything about you
About me
Secrets hidden in the ***** crevices of an *******
I found nothing.

At last, after searching through the same materials a number of times
I heard your name through the vehicle of a female voice
(But I heard you trash our gender, and how I stand for us)
I placed the backpack back on the hook
I felt slightly disgusted with myself
Angry at my mother for stealing it
She told me you were all so ugly.

Suddenly
I transformed
The ugliness, the need to search for answers
I would never ever receive
The desire to find out what had just happened
It didn't matter
I stood in full transformative swan glory
A long white flowing gown
Meant for a nobel queen
My hair long and golden silk
A cane in my finger tips
And I radiated and I existed
And I was one with the beach breeze.

I remember other bits and pieces
You saw me and your heart melted
I heard her scream
A cry of such abandonment.

And then I woke up
And bought a salad and some hummus.