8 days into the new year and I have already broken my resolution.

After 4 shots and 3 whiskey and cokes
God only knows what all went down.
I wake up in a daze
pick my clothes up off the floor
and curse myself out loud.

The car ride home lasted a life time.
I closed my eyes hoping that it wasn't real
that when I opened them again I'd be in my bed
alone.

Turned the shower on as hot as it gets
tried to burn off the shame
tried to scrub off the guilt
but no matter how scalding the water was,
nothing could wash away the pain.

Spent hours in my bed
not moving
because if I moved
it would mean I exist
and I don't want to.
Not anymore.

Nothing has ever made me
hate myself more.
8 days into the new year and I have already broken my resolution.

*8 days into the new year and I have already broken.