here’s the thing: I never expected to have to let you go.
you were ripped away and here I was memorizing your favorite things so I could surprise you with them, here I was drinking my coffee the same way you drink yours.
it all follows me around, you know.
you follow me.
I can’t go anywhere without running into you.
you know you were the first thing I looked forward to-
I mean really treasured-
in forever.
I talk tough. you haven’t known me long enough to know that.
we’ve all been hurt, and we all use our pain differently.
I built a ******* fortress out of my heartbreak.
half a bottle of ***** later,
I can’t remember why I let you in so quickly.
some part of me really wanted you, I guess.
still does, I guess.
but here I am holding my heart in my ******* hands like a sacrifice.
my heart has better places to be, I hope you know.
I hope you know.
I spend a lot of time trying to talk myself out of you.
I ask other people to talk me out of you.
everyone tells me what I want to hear but it only clears my conscience. my mind is made up.
my idiot mind knows full well what it wants,
my heart knows what it wants,
it seems these days like they’re ganging up on me.
I’m tired of answering for my heart and its recklessness.

I’m not sure what to do with this feeling.
I sit across from it in silence. I drink about it at night.
my heart aches and my brain is disgusted with how easily I let this happen.

Oh, how easily I let you happen.