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Apr 2016
i tainted myself
i ruined all that was good and beautiful about me,
i scarred and bruised myself.

i tainted myself
i let them abuse me
i let them **** me and **** me over and over again.

i tainted myself

i looked in the mirror and hated what i saw,
i tried to please myself but ending up making myself bleed.

chewing off my fingers and crying my eyes red.

I tainted myself,
took pills to help me sleep,
it hardly worked
and when it did,
I had nightmares.

animals who attacked me
and people who pulled their teeth out.

I didn't take any again.

i tainted myself
if i died, i don't think anyone would care.

maybe a few,
two or three, then after awhile
they'd forget about me.

i've tainted myself, i've done nothing worthwhile.
i laid on my *** and cried all the time.

i wanted to be someone special,
someone who made a difference
but all i did was ruin me.

i feel like a body with no soul,
a vessel with a half-beating heart and
a mask for a face
just hovering through the years,
too scared and selfish to commit to death
all the while knowing i'll be missed.

I tainted myself,
I'll never be the same.

if i died, i think a few people would care.
depression, honor, trauma
Written by
charmaine  25/F/new york
(25/F/new york)   
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