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Godless

by @joshua-haines

Sheers of shimmering gloss grace her torso. And I have broken her bones, imploring that I love her so. Blueberry lips belly the cold; hold her too deep, hold her I'm told. I. He says Call me Mr. G. G for Gore, Greed, that Green. An atypical stoner with hair wetter than his mouth. With more bitches than a pound, he says, With an understanding of all the suffering in the global delusion that is the Earth. Mr. G, his name. Oily brunette, Mr. G., would smoke Marlboro Green Blend -- menthol -- and spit shot out between stained lips after each extracurricular exhale. The saliva would land, tremendously, and puddles of Rasta shooting stars would lay, stretching across concrete galaxy. Hazel eyes invaded and shamed him, for he wished to be green, like life, but only envisioned a contradiction: death (see nature), for which he learned to embrace, stoically, like a shepherd of an endangered breed meant to die among skewed perspective. II. This house could be mistaken for a cinderblock purgatory; between color and absence of, eternal and temporary. A raptor laughter purged the tension -- he abided by no accommodation of civility. As smoke followed his hyena howl, the landline lay suddenly of purpose. Resin raided the clunky, black buttons; a voice was whispered like a blue phantom: Motherfuckin' cheese, pineapple, pepperoni -- no, extra fuckin' cheese, extra pep -- Sure, add some more pep with your driver: he, she -- honestly, man -- they better have pep-in-their-fuckin-step-you-feel? Minutes passed like sentient matchbooks dropping towards a skeletal fire. G threw the phone across the room and, like a disenchanted drunk dance, his words wobbled over each other, I ordered a 'za, a pizza for the layman. About thirty, probably thirty-one minutes, that is. Passing me the flower-stitched bong, I sucked in one, maybe two, three, blasts that I swore had some sort of nano-insects bite and burrow into the holes of my sponge for a throat. Wringing my rubbery neck, watching my words leave my toothy cave, I found out that G doesn't believe in beer. Believes in souls but not beer, believes in green men, not beer. Alcoholic splash is what we all need, at times. So I told him the obvious, I'm going to get a case of (Insert your shitty choice) and I'll be back as soon as possible. G stared at me and made a guttural noise, Do whatcha please, I'll stay here and protect us from vampires. You know, blood-suckas. Pale stoner vampires. III. The leather painted door was wide open like the legs of ominous spider cave, but the doors of a car I had never seen before were as closed as the lips of a VCR. There's nothing but silence in these situations -- is this one of those situations? Grassy knoll? Approaching the mouth of purgatory, I entered with the hesitancy of a lost dog. On the plastic covered couch, two people sat atop the invisible cloud above the patterned fabric and above the fingers of time. Blonde hair sprouted from her scalp, raining down upon vanilla shoulder blades, her chest a harbor for two pale, freshly mounds, with crooked, beige diamonds in the center. She trembled when G said, Meet Steph -- can I call you Steph, Steph? -- Meet Steph, the artist formerly known as Stephanie, holding up her licence, Vanmeter, of 441 1/2 Locust Ave. That's creepy, huh, Steph? Locust Ave? Are you something that lives in the ground, comes up every several years, making noise? Has this been years in the making? Are you bound to make noise in my house? You know this is a house, right? Whatsa matter, unfamiliar due to ya living-in-the-motherfuckin-ground or is it because you share a house, an apartment, Steph? Is it one of those? Pizza deliveries ain't paying the bills? G gets up, I, a coward, approaching him about to say -- Hold up, brother, he says. Not another move, pulling his hand from behind her shaking, confused head, a silver cannon an extension of his arm. She's here to suck our blood, She's here to suck. our. blood. Whether she means to or not, I know you don't think you want to, Steph, I know you don't mean to, But you're here to drain-us-like-the-Red-Cross. I tell G that she isn't, What have you done, G, You need to let her go before this gets worse. That cliche dialogue. Because these things always do, cliche or not. Brother, you don't understand these things -- It's impossible for a godless man to understand the mechanisms of something bigger, something holy -- but you need to listen, G said, You need to -- she tried to move, quickly, but G grabbed her by her blonde strands, pulled her back towards the couch, She swiped at his eye, drawing blood. There was a pause, a deathly silence, by the hair, she was rendered motionless, Oh, no, he echoed, Love, you shouldn't, You ought not do those things. Looking at me, he asked me to listen, Always remember this wasn't your fault. Sometimes, you can't be in control Holstering her neck with his gun hand, G picked her up, slamming her, head first, into the drug covered, resin sprinkled coffee table. He dropped on top of her, Looked at me, Remember, okay? and beat her head with the butt of the gun, until the cracking of a larger M&M; shell muffled towards all eardrums, maybe even hers. With blood, that could be mistaken as war paint, swimming across his jaw and neck, and sprinkled on his forehead, G whispered, You are free, and I was never sure who he was talking about. My feet left before I did, I was suddenly in my car with only the ignition and G's voice registering. I passed car after car, pastel metal wagon after metallic matte creation, not sure if I ever saw him, not sure if he ever existed, if I ever existed. IV. Sheers of shimmering gloss grace her torso. And I have broken her bones, imploring that I love her so. Blueberry lips belly the cold; hold her too deep, hold her I'm told. Waking up in a cavern darkness, my dreams disintegrate from my eyes, swirl in my headspace, evaporating to heaven knows where. Scattered pitter-patter drowns midnight Seattle, killing and washing away cluttered, modern filth, sucking carnivorous minds into hungrier gutters. This is the part where the screen of my life reveals: SIX MONTHS LATER, in yellow, stenciled letters. But what it wouldn't say is how I still feel like I'm dipped in the ink of Ithaca, NY. If this were the indulgent autobiography of my life it wouldn't say that the distance doesn't matter, because that'd be a lie; I feel like I have only escaped myself. The rain swells, sounding as thick as blood, swishing around the veins of the city. Stephanie dies every night, disappearing and reappearing behind secret doors only she can open. When she comes to me in sleep, she is baptized in green, head caved, Forget-Me-Nots sprouting between fragmented skull and select spots of brain soil, the flowers singing jazz with a different voice, every time. One time she spoke. With blueberry lips that belly cold, she sounds like my mother: I am so proud of you, she statically says. You saved me. Remember. V. To be continued.
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Written by
joshua-haines
26 / M / American
For You?
Written by
joshua-haines
26 / M / American
Published
Apr 25, 2016
Time
11m
Notes

Half of "Godless". Any feedback, good or bad, is appreciated.

Tags
#godless
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