I dyed the front strand of my hair dark gray blue
I told a girlfriend waiting for the train
How an old business partner of mine asked me once
"What are you most afraid of?"
And I said: Men.

Theres this sense of entitlement
****** forwardness. Threat.
Just because you want us
Don't mean we want you.

I've noticed and swam in the ocean
But its not really the ocean
Its just Lake Michigan
I coin the creative things
And I miss my old life at times
But I settle and spread my wings out here.

But there is somethin' about men
And it ain't got to do with location
But I do think in big cities
Monogamy and sincerity harder to come by
Remember how you would use the word ain't too?
Because of me
And my influence.

I heard you came into my room.
We all knew you would.
My Chicago sisters of the moon
Who it took me running away to Philadelphia
To realize I ran out of rope
To see, to see
Appreciate and nourish your surroundings
But I make phone calls and videos
Sending my love and listening ears
My Philly army ladies are the best.

But they did
We called it
I left my door propped open with the paint I used
To paint myself blue
Mystique
The night after you left my heart in the toilet
I knew you would soak me up
See my living quarters
My handwriting all over the walls
So I propped my door open
Just so you could see
I wasn't home.

I heard you celebrated stealing your sweat shirt back
You sifted through my belongings
Made yourself right at home
But honey baby,
I've so clearly moved on.

As you hide behind fundamental fake antics
Lewd gestures
You flick off the cameras documenting moments on film sets
I should have known, I should have known.

It angered me
To hear you were so entitled
I was so wrong about you.

I felt contentment
For all of about 5 minutes
Everyone said you were different, better, real
With me
But I left you at the wedding.

I'm not sure what any of it is
But I hate sleeping these days
I woke up again today to a beautiful black man in my bed
Closing my eyes all morning
So connected, so deep
I swat and gallop past the prejudices of my home town.

Beautiful Innovator and I danced down the streets of my neighborhood
I threw the CimmFest tshirts I snagged into the sky
We howled, we laughed
I felt so free, so open
I ate eggs, he told me to protect my art.
We protect our art
But I can't just have this be a hobby all my days.

I don't know
And I never really seem to.
But I know you see the women get body painted
After me, my influence
We knew you would come into my room
You think you're so cool.

But really.
God Bless, and I meant it
Its only a matter of time one of the boys said
"Don't ever go back. Because then he will think he's got you around his finger. Its not fair to you."
My hair dresser said to me today.
Don't ever go back
Don't ever go back
I can't believe she went back
I can't believe I went back, to soak up more blood
But I bit into my heart
Refilled it with the blood I lost

And close the door of my bedroom.