I sent you an e-mail

But purposely got the address wrong

Just so I could see your name in my inbox

I mean

imissyousofuckingmuch@thiswouldonlybeeasierifyouweredead.co­m

You get a reply back

That says

“Being gone is beautiful

Try it sometime”

I don’t know where to go

The newfound balance in all the chairs I sit on throws me off

Put a level on my shoulder

Watch the bubble

It doesn’t know which way to lean either

I mean

Sitting up straight and proud

Has only even been for people who

Don’t have a shoulder to cry on

The density of your presence

Is big enough to make me walk funny

How I would have push back so hard against

Your shoulder leaning, I dare you to walk straight type, hand holding

So as not to walk into strangers

My left shoulder is boney bump bruise resistant

And I crash into the edges of things sometimes

To keep it that way

I mean

You’ve made me so much a slap stick version of myself

And I miss you

Because the world feels funny now

Because I am still learning what it means to have a true center

True balance

And I miss you

But I don’t want you back