Was doin' so well, so strong
What does the word strong even really mean
Bows and arrows on my back
A moon stamped forever whenever people ask
I say for my Philadelphia women.

Swan legs
Today it did hit me like an avalanche
And somehow in the last few hours
As I perused and watched over the art
That I've made with my bare hands
I realized it all makes sense.

I know you are angry
And secretly very sad
The women around me judge your madness
Your own best friends tell me I'm better off
I was feeling so resilient, so brave
And something today
Perhaps carried over from Friday night
When I tried to reach you
And realized I no longer could
So I slept in all my paint.

Theres no man to take the shoes off my weary feet
At this singular moment
I don't have a love to be frustrated with for his attitude
But I cooked myself a real nice dinner
Gabbing and venting on the phone
I go to bed alone.

I stayed up late tonight
To get it all done.
And it makes me think back to how impatient you would become
One time, only once
After we were all over
If only for that fleeting moment did we act like
We
"Obviously loved each other"
Note: e-d
LovED
LovED
Past tense.
I reread it and read it
I felt the ****** urge to cry
But the well up inside me
Could only let out a whiff or weeze or two.
I try to think of quotes now or poetic words
To tagline my movie that so clearly is gutted with us
But really,
Not really.

I see now in my minds eye
Yes, you absolutely did me wrong
My mother becomes heated and repeated
On the phone as I travel underground
I look around at my colorful life
Filled with spontaneity, holy hell so much newness
I'm starting to really settle settle in here
And not in that gross comfortable way
Everyone is right
You were just a harmful distraction.

But the feelings and reality now
Is that I must face that you have so hastily moved on
Slapped a sandwich with too much mayo
And forgotten your lettuce
But I'll always be a spinach girl.

Sour gummy worms
Combos cheddar cheese
Lime lemon gatorade
Ninja Turtles
Marty McFly
Your very favorite things.

Thats all I can think of.
I fell asleep last night thinking
How we watched Candy
And then we too,
Disintegrated.

I wish I could say that I hope you are happy
But I feel mostly regret, sadness, anger
The utmost betrayal
And it makes me think and ponder
How easy it is to get caught up
In all of those very words
In all of those very feelings
And it reminds me of being a 14 year old girl
Locking myself in my bathroom
Wanting my life to end
Because the first love of my life
Had seemed to have completely disappeared.

I don't know what any of it means
You made the comment once that my poems
Were getting longer
This one may be the longest in quite some time.

And it feels so good to write
It feels so good to visually create the words
I hear all day long in my head
But most of the time I don't even write
All the phrases and voices
Poetic intricacies
Down.

Periwinkle sweatshirt
******* how it hurt
I think back to the moments you really fawned over me
Crazy colorful hair
Or the night I danced at the Gentleman's Club
Tacky?
Tacky.

So I guess this new woman sleeps in your bed
Probably every other night
You stay at her place
I am sure you create dividing lines
Of you and her
Her and you
Perhaps she keeps her mouth shut
I heard she was nothin' special
A vape model
I don't even know what that means.

Remember when
You claimed I would someday be your wife?

Good riddance
Everyone close to me in my life hates you.
Its really quite a shame
I don't know what the future holds
But you don't even want to be friends
But its a retort, a threat
Filled with too much ***** and immaturity
Or all of the post it notes you never wrote me
I remembered dumping out the bottle of red wine today
And felt so glad, so glad
I followed my gut instinct
To pour your remains into
The drain
God bless. God bless.
I say in my most southern way.
I'll look back at this and laugh very soon
As times right this moment definitely border
The most difficult in my womanhood
Everything use to be
Everything just is
So big, so loud, so complex
So full

And sometimes I just don't want to leave the safety of my room.
But tomorrow is a new day
I'll pray to the moon, the stars
I'm so glad you aren't meant to be my sun king
But good try, good try
We can all laugh like bobble heads on fire
You couldn't keep up.
I was told today
And thats okay
Because I know you grip and sweat spite

Because I'll always be
Not just "The One"
Or the woman who told you not to call me "girl"
"Beautiful girl"
Or all of the phrases you so clearly
Recycled and used to swoon before
But I'll just be and always remain
A beautiful, biggest romantic love of your life
Literal ink stain

The swan that got away.