Haven't been writing much lately. I guess I don't have much to say, or maybe I can't put these feelings into words? Whatever it is, I know it's going to get worst. Like how he wished you used me, in ways I wish to not say. Or that time I thought god was calling my name, reaching him for help, but instead he didn't care and let me choose the wrong way. The day I was gettig ready to go to class, until I heard my phone ringing, it was you. I hesitated, should I read those texts, Should I do this to myself? I did anyways. Every word I read felt like a knife going through me. I was patient, I was calm, but that knife kept going through me. Text messages to my friend, she's like a sister too me. telling her **** baby girl I'm about to do it.  This depression because of him, is no joke, I'm about to lose it. Give me minutes girl I'll be right there. As I held the pills in my hands, reading all these back and forth accusations of somebody who claimed they loved me, treating me so bad, because I left him lonely not knowing the lonely one who was hurting was me, because they were too blind to see the depression inside of me, growing. My body starts shaking, the bottle is whom I went too, sitting on the floor two feet away from my feet, one pill on the ground, the rest, resting on my clinch tight hands, as I try so hard to overcome this feeling called suicide. To whom I fell in love with, broke me down deep inside. I didn't want to be alive. The Messages in my eyes, couldn't believe what I was reading, felt like he was teasing. When he was done, he would always say he was sorry. I gave him the glory.. Of disrespecting me, when I gave him my world to explore in. And we're not talking planes, cross country, exploring.. How could someone do such harm, take you for granted, tell you there sorry, and repeat the **** story? Finding your weakness, and use it to break you down. Questioning god like why me, lord why me? All you ever wanted was to feel loved, because God gave you this big heart, and you share it but get nothing in return. If it wasn't for my best friend, lord knows I wouldn't make it.. Disappointed in myself, as you should be disappointed of me. To see me get so weak, cause of a man who didn't know how to love me. I'm sorry..