Thirsty Thursday
But tonight, I thurst for myself.

Stretched thin, tryn' stretch me thinner
I look in the mirror and think
Too much chocolate peanut butter
But I'm so ravenous after long days
I'm so ravenous, all the time
Got about 16 dollars to my name.

Mama doesn't talk to me for long increments of time
I come to wonder if she's just really livin' her life
Don't wanna listen or hear me talk about
Heart
Heart
Broken
Ah. Not so broken anymore.

Happy 11 month anniversary to me!!
Truly, really.
Chicago, I've almost had you for a whole year.
One of the boys texts me sweetly, like a dear friend
"Still feel like the new girl?"
"Like the new girl takin' over the city ;)"
And he replies: Yes m'am.

Swarms of paint and encouragement
But its the little things that take away
Don't let me lose this stupid job.
Don't let me trample this opportunity
Don't let me revert to old ways
Don't really wanna have a house meeting
But I know it, I know it good
There ain't nothing I can't get through.

Come a long ******' way
In just 11 months.

I contemplated and scientifically time lined a bit
Its hard to even remember what I said now.

Peter Pan.
I miss you sometimes.
But mostly I don't.
The thought of letting you back in terrifies me
So I kindly refute parties, gatherings
I heard you don't trust yourself around me either
And I think, I see in my heart, mind
What hurts is seeing the look in your face
When you see me.
THATS. Thats what I fell in love with.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."
Thats it. Thats all.
It was never really you.
But the reflection back at me
Just like that moment I took my photo
In your sunglasses
I was so eager to have it all
But I didn't really know you at all.

Sometimes
I'll think back
To you meeting me on your longboard
We were supposed to go get vegan quesadillas
I was so depressed, lost.
I contemplate that time
I remember you were worried I was going to leave you
I think I wanted to, right then
It was such a struggle, all of it.

And I wondered today
How did we go from so good
So deeply interested, in love
To the pits of hell so quickly?
We were so much better over FaceTime.

I'll never fully understand it
But my God, what a story
What a time.

So.
Little pretty princess
Happy 11 month anniversary
You've come a long way you gorgeous queen.
Believe the kind encouraging words those around you
So generously give
Take in the hits, but swim over and past them
Rejoice in the hurt, the pain, the beauty
Don't be terrified little lamb chop dove love
Its you in the end
That writes your tail
Tale.