I didn't even realize something was wrong
I thought April, last April, was the last of it
That you got better
That I was going to see you again
If I had even thought it was a possibility
I would have hugged you harder at Christmas
I wouldn't have let myself oversleep
I would have stayed up all night
Just so that I wouldn't have missed your last visit

I didn't even know you smoked
That there was a chance of me loosing you because of that
I never even smelled it on you

I thought you would get to meet my kids
See me get married
See me become a grown woman
See me graduate college
See me graduate high school

But then the police came to the door
And I heard enough to piece it together
To figure out you were gone
Why
Why now
Why my Dad's birthday?
Of all the times why now?