I remembered a thought that I had many years ago and apparently buried down deep, tossed into the mind cellar along with all the other bits and ends, all the other odd beginnings....it might sound trite and hurly burly, but it struck me further in than I care to admit: Jewel married a racecar driver. And even then, in my eleven year old mind, I came to the conclusion that it couldn't have been for love, a poet couldn't do that except for something superficial like ***,(even though I hadn't had any yet) or money or security(all things I knew nothing of and yet wished I had). It strikes me now, that I didn't believe in love even before I knew what it felt like. So, having said that, this is my apology to you. You believed, deeply, and I....I only wanted to.