on today's menu? a leek and granny smith apple salad (crème fraîche instead of mayonnaise, a bit of lemon juice and a bit of sugar, salt and pepper of course; diced tomatoes with onion, white vinegar / an acetic acid concoction, salt and pepper; cucumbers and tomatoes with onions likewise as the diced tomatoes extras; mashed potatoes with a dash of milk and crème fraîche and dill; and of course, the pièce de résistance - a slowly fried schnitzel (dabbled in a sprinkle of plain flower, egg, and breadcrumbs); apropos, don't you find middle-class english people slightly paranoid about using white vinegar as if they've seen a martian? i've seen it, what a comedy, with one line the entire theatrical play played out, and nothing was said, just eye contact!*

actually the only fun i have from
certain bad palette recipes
is throwing raw meat to my cats,
beef is met with full approval,
pork too, chicken not so much,
prawns are approved, even a fish
eye; indeed if i'm working on a dish
from inexperience reciting each
ingredient into the cauldron i never
know what to expect, and if the dish
is written by a badly experienced palette,
throwing raw meat to my cats
is the most enjoyable part of cooking,
it almost feels like a scene from
a coliseum.