Big boys don't cry

You must know this
I was just a teenager back then.
I was not a safe place to be called home.
She was even younger than I was.
We were not just ready—for---marriage.
Since that long ago day
I have always wanted a daughter.
I sat in the beat up old car
In the car park of the clinic.
Whilst she went through ---with ----it.
I am a mans man.
I never cry ever.
But the tears flowed
down my face relentlessly.
My breath was spent by sobbing.
I could not stop the tears.
I know now I should not
have tried to stop them..
For I was in mourning
for the daughter
I want so badly now.
On quiet summer days
when the lake shimmers
in the sunlight.
I see a young teenage girl
nubile and innocent.
swimming in the
lakes calm waters.
And for a moment
those tears fill
my eyes once more.