No no no no no no no nononononoNONO NONONONONONONOOOOOOOOOOOO This is not... You are not... I did not... Why is this... ? How did I get...?
againagainagainagain since so so so far far far back back back when confusionNOchaos inside me (Hyperventilating) in the air around me between you and me in the place where we live (Eyes shut tight/mute cry) cant be there where there is nowhere to hide and the floor is hard I can't not breathe quietly enough to escape your mismatched feelings I try to be small enough like a flat dying cat under the couch fearing what is next what kind of horror will find me in my own house
suddenly I am totally unsure of my surroundings I feel only my hot quick breath close around me a suffocating security blanket two hands a mask with no eye-holes
this must be some kind of sickness I do not feel well or right or like I usually feel and there is the sound of monsters I would rather not have this experience of panic pain imminent calamity ****** escape is not an option
mercy slams my body familiar strange stiffness euthanization dissociation safety dissintegrates me into an illusion making me invisible just before the end begins again my repepeating oblivion