you tell me i'm the first person you ever really loved
we lie in bed and you stroke my hair
as if it's something i live for you to do
after our drunken bodies intertwined on the couch to American Beauty
tears of frustration from my paper eyelids
why can't i control my outbursts
why am i so sad
why can't i find anything to make me happy
you sit across the room and refold my green blouse for the 13th time and gaze at my suitcase
i realize you could never comfort me again
turning away because i can't bare to look at your face
you're sorry you lied and you thought it would be better if i didn't know and now we're in a sauna in italy
two bottles of wine down
and i can't tell if this is passion or desperation
passionate desperation
it was the last time your lips kissed my neck and i think back on my mistakes and i crush them up and i snort them
there is an ocean between us and theres no reason you wouldn't think that she's prettier
i always made fun of you for liking the front bottoms
i push your hand off of my thigh as i sob into my plate at breakfast
i cry in the airport when the lady from customs asks me about my trip
i cry harder when she says she hopes i can visit you again soon
we embrace for the very last time
i tell you to never speak to me again
you don't
you never looked back as i pulled my suitcase through security
i wish you had
i'm really sorry about the front bottoms