Dear Mother,

I had a nightmare about you last night.
You told me to come back home to the family, just for a day.
You smelled of ***** and depression and cigarettes.
You smelled of every reason that I left in the first place.

Dear Mother,

I dreamed of your screeching and your manic temper.
I told you to *******, to stop trying, to let me be happy....
And it felt good. Exhilarating.
But I knew it would be a lost cause in the real world.

I'm sorry, Mother, for abandoning the rest of the family when I left at 18.
But I'm not sorry for abandoning you.
I just wish you would let me be, now.
I'm tired of this.