3 mins now til I turn 26.

Every year a step away from that July afternoon of 2013

I wish you were here to celebrate.

2 mins now.


And I am waiting. Forever til I see you again.
It doesn't feel like a birthday without you.

1 min.

It doesn't seem real. In life I was always waiting on you. To call. To write

Happy birthday to myself.

Time gives both relief and distance from the heart ache of your absence
And also
More heartache.


Every step away from that day is one more moment I've spent alive that you haven't.

Of course, every step away is one day closer to when we'll meet again.

They talk about heaven and I believe
But I also dread the idea of what will have changed. Will you still greet me in your special voice
Will you hold me tight
As only you can
Or will we be so blinded by light that it won't matter.
If that is the case,
I'll mourn now what I won't feel then.

Life can be hell dear one,
But it can also be heaven

And you are as close as I come to on this plane.

You made the wrong choice but I know it no longer matters.

Forced to forge my own path
I'll never forget

And try to create a life beautiful

Despite your absence.

Good night dear one.
I'll always be your crocodile.


Pax.