Two sugars, half and half
went to just half and half
to 2%
to skim
to soy.
No sugar.

Now I look into my cup, only seeing light from above
reflected in the steaming waters.
No sweetness or fog to cover up what I wanted truly
which was the opaque deafness of this reality.

Confused at my choices, I sip deeply
wondering whether the grounds I tasted
were karma for those actions against me.

Some people say, jokingly, that they like their coffee
black
like their soul.

Here, I wonder if I simply like it black because it IS like my soul.

Unkindness seems to reek from my pores
and my tongue is black from the words I forged.
People say it's human nature...
but my true nature, as I once believed, isn't so cruel.

And yet, here I am, cruel and deceitful.
Drinking my soul to the end.
To the last drop.

How then, can I overcome this blackness and just take my coffee
for what it is -- simply coffee?

Sip. Swallow. Think.

Forgiveness in oneself is only in the eye of the beholder
and I've done more than just to myself.
So there it is -- uncanny sobriety to the actual issues at hand.

The unfinished apologies and countless "sorry"s.
Black. Deaf. Swimming.
Around my head and through my mouth into my whole body.

The heat making me flush and fever.