As I lay on my bed,
listening
   to the rhythmic melody of the rain
  dancing                  my
                    outside                 window,
my
     mind
             wanders through my memories
             keeping me from the slumber
     I seek during these late hours.

why my mind favors
the sour memories
                                        of betrayal and heartbreak,
                                        of regret and guilt,
I will never understand.

their memories flooding my thoughts,
make rest a foreign concept.  

Do I dare speak their names
to break the silence that
imprisons me only to feel
my insides churn and
my heart ache?  

why do my dreams
                           gift me with
                                                        glimpse
­                                           of
                            the
            future
only
to be kept awake
by the past they've paved?  

why, when all I pursue is happiness,
do my thoughts poison me with sadness.

My dreams reveal what is to come
to my unconscious
                          but not to my conscious.  

My mind only lets me feel
the emotions of the future
                          but keeps from me
                                         what is to happen.
It lets me feel when good will follow
but keeps from me the heartache that
                                                            ­           ends it.



Why do my thoughts poison me so?



My thoughts let me fall


                                               for her
                                                            and trust her completely
                                                            when­ it was aware

                                               of the Betrayal
                                    that was to end
                                    that happiness?



why do my thoughts poison me so?



My thoughts urged me to leave her,

                                                     to feel like leaving
                                                     would help me
                                                     only
                                                                ­    to feel Regret
                                                                ­    with my decision,
                                           to feel like
                             I've made
             a mistake,
to be weighed down
with the guilt that I hurt her
and
for nothing
      but my
                   own
                              misery.  



why do my thoughts poison me so?  



I know not
            why my own mind
            is against me

            but in its campaign
            it has renamed


**Betrayal     &      Regret