I used to think about her
When I masturbated in
The shower.
She was my girlfriends
Best friend
She was petite
With the fattest ***
I've ever seen
On a 100 lb. white girl.
And when my girlfriend left me
The white girl called a few days later.
She came over one night
And I undressed her
And she had these long cutting scars
Climbing up horizontally
On the side of each thigh.
And as I looked down at my naked self,
There were cigarette burns and a stab wound, and the time I made a cross on my knee with a broken ashtray.
It was beautiful.
Two scarred humans
Lying in bed
Making love.
That night she licked the disgusting stab wound
On my shoulder
Then asked
"Can I cut you, baby?"
"Sure" I said.
I am always fascinated by the numbness
Alcohol produces.
And she hacked away at me.
Then she carved a heart into my arm
And I carved one into her thigh
But hers didn't scab up as well as mine.
Then we fell asleep drunk
In each others arms.
Blood and love and *** and loneliness
All mixed up in the bed.
I used to ******* to her in the shower
Before all of that happened.
Maybe that's what made it so hard
When she left me.