How fitting it all is
I've discovered the new Sia album
Just a few days ago
It makes me wanna
Light everything on fire
And dance, just like
The flame I ******* am.

I reread what I wrote you on your birthday
I've read the one I wrote today and sent you
About 13 times
The words seem to go and flow right through me
Like a masked ghost.

Sunday night
Cinnamon covered apples
You didn't expect me to leave you
Did you, you little pretty thing?

But you aren't pretty
And no one close in my life likes you
For me.

It would have been so much easier
To apologize, to say "you're right. I just wanted to see you."
To grovel, be the weak one
Drugs to heal my throat taking over
I've gotten to know my bedroom so well these past few days
My body and mind forcing me to slow down
I plan and pontificate with other powerful women
I know my man is out there
Somewhere.

But I stop
I stop searching, looking
Trying to transform you into him
I started to wonder these past few days
At my own kindness, goodness
Because I once again felt trapped and confused
By who and what I wanted you to be.

You do anything to not think of me
So glad to go dance, meet new people
Laugh, tear up the floor
I guess in a lot of ways you disgust me.

But you meant to keep me here, around
To twirl me like a little doll
Just when you wanted to
I often spent my days wondering
Feeling less motivated
If they didn't involve you
But I did what I needed to do
I mattered monumentally in this moment
That
Our friends, you will still insist, I know
I pave and create me own way.

Will you come be an adult this weekend?
Who knows.
Baseball cap, those ******* iconic tennis shoes
I wish this would be the instant
Where you wrote a poem in reply
But you won't and you don't
Coward
Cowardly lion
Cowardly little boy
Cowardly little doll.

I'm sorry I guess
I take that back.
No I'm not.
Women spend much too much
Time apologizing, being sorry
Throwing myself out of a moving cab
I loved how concerned you were
But I wanted to run.


I'll always run
I'll always jump
But this time
I don't call you back
Or find you in the street
Put on a happy face
Just for you and me
Nope.
I watch the romantic love
You still worship
Burn into roasting ashes
With freedom, delight
And a mightiness
I've always wanted to embrace.