I opened the mini fridge to
Keep the roaches away from my
Crunchy honey peanut butter and
Apple jam.
I pushed aside the southern comfort
And saw a hunk of shining tin foil
I opened it up
"Ohh yeah...****..."
It was all of my love
But the tears had evaporated.
It smelled a bit stale.
And the edges were starting to
Harden.
I took a bite.
"Still good."
I couldn't let it go to waste.
But what to do with it?
I couldnt eat it myself, that would be
Odd.
Like performing self *******.
So I called an old girlfriend
"Hey I still have a big hunk of this, it would be a shame to have it spoil."
"No... No. That stuff started to make
Me sick. Last time I had it I broke out
In hives."
"Alright,well...how've you been?"
"Great!"
"Great." Great.
I stuck the foil into my pocket and walked outside.
Somebody might want it.
I saw a homeless women
Sitting cross legged in a pile of filth.
"Spare change?"
"Can't. But I have this..."
She looked at it and frowned.
"The hell am I gonna do with THAT?"
I was starting to think this stuff was
Useless.
I took another bite.
If I could perform self ******* I
Probably would.
Then I threw a piece into a pile of
Manure.
And, I'll be ******. A flower sprouted.
It looked like a sunflower with
Cactus quills.
I threw a piece to a pigeon and it took it and it
Turned into some kind of
Raven-peacock and it
Screamed and flew towards the sun.
I took a piece and threw it to the ants
And their hill turned into a mountain
That shined like a diamond.
I'll be ******...
The stuff is still
Good.
I put the rest into my pocket
As I crossed the street
And I heard a car screech.
I looked up quickly
And shouted
"WHATS YOUR PROBLEM *******???!!!"
And banged on the hood.