I'm not really sure if I feel huge or small
Someone asked me if I was suicidal
I said no
But if I was walking across the street and a car was coming towards me
I don't think I would move
If someone held a gun to my head
I wouldn't beg for my life
I might just laugh and say pull the trigger
And with everything that's happened I guess I'm a little bitter
My hands don't seem to work anymore
I wake up and my head is sore
I reach for a bottle because liquor makes my veins thicker
I reach for a knife because thicker veins bring a little more extra pain
Promises were made
I want to quit my job and run away
But society wants you to feel ashamed if you're not getting paid
Honestly my head is just not in the game
I'm actually very scared
I could really use a wish or a prayer
Maybe even divine intervention
Maybe this is all a lesson
I don't know if I'm weak or strong
I'm at the edge of the cliff hanging by my fingertips
I've been hanging for so long
I think it's do or die
Maybe even tonight
I'm not suicidal
But if I had the opportunity to die I might just take it
Which is sad
So many lives have been taken
And I'm just throwing away my only chance