It has been three years since we have been together
I have had a lot of time to think, to sort out my feelings and figure out some things
I am now ready to confront things I have never dealt with simply because I was not ready to
I am in love with you
I fell in love with you the very first time you texted me "hello"
I fell in love with you the first time you called me on the phone and even though you were crying hysterically your voice was like music to my ears
I fell in love with you again when I met you for the very first time
You had that white car with the ugliest orange seats I had ever seen and even though that car was hideous I was still sad when you sold it
You saw me for who I really was
You loved me in a way that I can't really describe
It was like being in a movie that ended before the last page of the script was finished
Even though our fights were so terrible sometimes I never went a day without wanting to kiss you because your kisses were enough to shake me to my very core
I told you everything about me
Every little secret
Every little thought
I let you read my poetry and your answer to everything was "MORE! I WANT TO HEAR MORE! I WANT TO READ MORE!"
I walked to a different state for you because you were having a nervous breakdown at 3 am and you met me halfway so I didn't have to walk in the dark alone
You saw my flaws and you kissed each of them as if they were the most beautiful parts of me you had ever known
You wrote me letters everyday just telling me everything your soul loved
I was so insecure
So terrified, so needy, so emotional to the point I pushed you away
You moved away just to get away from me
How embarrassing is that?
I dated your best friend who wrecked me and traumatized my belief in love and I think I only dated him because he was the closest thing to you I had when you left
I compare every man I meet to you which explains my reason for being single
I still have dreams about you that turn into nightmares when I realize how crazy I must be
I can't watch certain things,
Listen to certain things,
Go to certain places without remembering you
I've gone to therapy
I tried to smoke you away
I tried to drink you away
I tried ******* you away yet you show up in my mind more now than you already do
If I'm not careful your name shows up in conversations and that drives my friends insane
My mom still gushes about you
You were her favorite
She talks about you as if you are still a part of my life
She says she has never seen me happier than when I was with you and she's right
No one will ever compare to you
I know you're alive and happy
You have fallen in love and moved on with your life
I can deny my feelings all that I want to but denial will leave me stuck
I know you will never hear or read these words but this isn't for you
It's for me
It's time to let go
It's time to stop living in the past
It's time to stop holding onto something that won't come true
It's time to close the book on the most incredible time in my life
I won't lie I will still think of you
I can't do anything about that
I will always be in love with you
I can't control that either
All that I can control is me moving forward
I've stopped running
I've confronted my feelings
I've cried, I've grieved, I've accepted
I don't know what the future holds
What I do know is that I still want what I have always wanted for you
I want you to be happy
I want you to make all of your dreams come true
Even though a lot has and will continue to change that never will
I am closing the book now
It's painful but it's what needs to be done
I love you
I will always love you
Goodbye...

To the man I could spend hours writing poems about....