Thats a first.
I had a title before I wrote a single letter.

***** martini girl scribbling in her little black notebook
Sometimes when I write poetry it feels less purposeful
You are in a really good mood, you type and text to me
Your hand a gentle greeting in between my shoulder blades
Right where wings spread when no one else is around.

I spotted the swan tattoo on your ankle this morning
As the snow colored sun peeked in through my windows

You stayed behind while I frolicked over in the cold
Leaving things behind? Staying involved?
But letting something be its own entity.

The bartender asked me if I was your girlfriend
I laughed my response so awkwardly casual
Rubbing lemon juice on my pink face
You kissed me so passionately in the cab
Last night, my lipstick staining both of us
We have stained each other
In a way I'll always remember.

Blame it on the cold
The alcohol
The slippery snow, hibernating
Everyone wants that someone to snuggle
Kiss and watch movies with
We fell back asleep this morning
You held me as if I were a little doll
"Skin like porcelain"

We both know the truth
Sipping green tea, smoothies
I gear up and rally myself for this or that
Hoping I could have just filed you away
Like a bank statement
Or late fee
To crown 2016 with more lightness
But we dance in bed sheets
Surrounding ourselves with poison
But a poison we both hold so dear.

I tried to put on my make up
You always watch me so carefully
Like a hunter admiring a rare bird
If I sent you a poem you would read it
"More than once."

I brush off my sensitivity, paranoia
Painting strokes into the Chicago pavement
As we jest our once a week rendezvous
But if I ever needed you,
You would run to me.

"Nice try boss!"
Your hand writing so juvenile
Minty desert shot, disrespect you called it
Cigarettes taking you away
Always taking you away
I watch you go.

I got home and sobbed into the ground
I don't know what came over me
My worst fear has always been
Abandonment.
You traveled to me, waving outside of my window
Bare feet running in the snow like crossing out--
All the times I use to write my whole name
With a man's last attached to it.

Stroking my legs, holding my hands
As we devoured our eggs
Love in the public eye
I switch around times, schedules, framing my life
Through a Black Magic camera lens.

This poem could go on and on
Playing and twirling like I'm on the biggest playground
Your weapons of love present, but lets make it so distant
Aimed right at my temple
Remember when we rode on the ferris wheel
The sunlight hitting your face
I snapped pictures of you, we were so young
We are so young.
I felt so at peace, new, refreshing
Only to end up dancing in an empty room
With you.

But we grab hands from time to time
Catching your looks in the reflection
Of a love making mirror
I light things on fire
Matches and gasoline oozing from my pores, my lips.

The glimmer in your eye when you see hints of jealousy cross my face
But I know I'll always be the only woman in the room
"You need to settle down."
Molly come down.
Molly come down.
The polaroid on my window sill almost mocking
We cannot help but lean, lean
Into one another
But, but.

I light myself on fire.