You told me once that just because someone chooses to walk out of your life does not mean it doesn’t hurt them too. I have been holding hands with what used to be, wondering if this hurts you too. I always thought the distance you were creating between us was just your personality, or one of my many character flaws. Lately it feels like I have been trying to ***** in a light bulb but no matter how hard I try, the light won’t turn on. I have been hoping it was possible to “outgrow” my mother’s overly-emotional genes however whenever someone tells me to “take care” I want to fall into their lap and cry. People keep leaving and I’m starting to realize no one fits me quite right. Everyone seems to laugh before the punchline; exit before the applause. I don’t speak French but I’ve always thought “bon voyage” meant you’ll come back soon. Or maybe that’s just what I hoped it meant. It’s so hard for me to deal with disappearing faces. Maybe that’s why I always start conversations with “when I’m gone…”. The only way I feel comfortable talking about myself is in the past tense because I know that’s all I am to most people. I know that’s all I’ll become to the remaining few. So the next person ready to say “bon voyage,” I won’t have it. Instead, I’ll tell them “have a nice journey,” because I’m grown enough now to realize no one ever returns to a sinking ship.