God met me tonight.
He told me things I already knew, but had forgotten in the midst of pain and a fast paced world. He told me I am loved unconditionally, even when my mind says otherwise. He told me how he created me uniquely and specifically. He said he knew about me from the beginning. He knew I would need a sense of humor and oddity to balance out the mental illnesses I’d have to fight.

When I showed him my scars with shame and told him of my regrets, he lifted my head and showed me the cross–the body of Jesus that was destroyed with nails, and thorns, and whips, and suffocation. The darkness of the Earth that day. God said he sent his most precious and innocent son to be murdered for me. Then he showed me Sunday. He showed me Jesus and victory and light and said I’m not a prisoner of my own sin and the pain of this world anymore.

Then God said he wanted me. It flustered me and I turned my head. I’m not used to that feeling. I told God about the time I wanted to die, and the time that my heart was ripped from it’s sleeve but I continued giving it away. I shared my fears that I’ll always feel this alone. He said I won’t. And in that moment I actually never felt less alone. He reminded me that life is constantly changing with happiness and sorrow, fears and uncertainties. But he isn’t.

God met me tonight. And he taught me how to love myself again.