Nov 2011
March 13, 2009
The sun, it shines down on me with rays of warmth.
My heart thawing out of it’s icy sleep.
I’m overcome with a new happiness.
A feeling almost forgotten,
Buried deep within my broken heart.
And though the enemy sits a mere thirty feet away,
There’s nothing that they can say to bring me down
This time.
The darkness that filled my life, so fragile,
Now lifted off my shoulders at last.
His soul, given to me as a token of his love.
A treasure so fragile only my hands can hold it.
The scent of his skin still lingers on me,
Something that will never be forgotten.
A gentle touch, and then I’m set free
Of everything so vile to me.
And I’m free.
March 14, 2009
Unwelcome as I feel, here I stay, still.
No one to protect me,
I’m left here on my own.
Enemies all around me,
With their looks of pure evil.
Once providing me with friendship,
Now killing me so slowly.
March 20, 2009
Inside my mind is where I stay,
Safe from all that is.
Away from the world,
I hide here, and worry, I will not.
As long as I am here,
Inside my mind, a safe sanctuary,
Free from doubt and all pain.
My imagination is the only place
I want to be,
So I don’t feel the pain any more.
March 24, 2009
Unexpectedly, a dagger pierces me,
Destroying the temporary happiness I felt.
Now I lay here, my heart bleeding,
With tears running down my face.
I thought it was all over.
But it’s not.
So I’ll die emotionally,
Where no one can find me and save me.
It’s too late now.
May 13, 2009
Another year older,
And still the darkness is inside me.
Another year has passed,
With the depression slowly killing me.
The dawn has passed
With another sleepless night.
So I’ll slowly fall into this land of nightmares,
Where no one can save me from myself.
My soul has been taken,
There’s nothing I can do now.
May 14, 2009
There’s something about him,
Something so angelic
Yet so sinister in a way.
He’s been there in my dreams.
And never ceased to let me down.
I don’t know why,
I don’t think I ever will,
But I want him.
I need him.
I can’t live with out him.
For he holds the key to my heart.
He has my soul,
And forever,
He will.
May 16, 2009
The wind blows through my hair,
And I’m free.
Free of doubt,
Free of worry,
Free of everything that brought me down.
I finally see the beauty in the world.
The peace that never seemed to consume me,
Now has taken over.
And, alas, I am happy,
Even for a moment so brief.
But who am I to care,
As long as I feel it’s serenity.
It’s beautiful, this feeling.
I cannot explain,
For it is more than happiness.
June 7, 2009
I hate life.
When will I wake up from this nightmare.
It seems like every where I go,
I’m tormented.
September 27, 2009
I went to my place at the rocks.
The only place where I can be at peace.
There’s no one around,
The way I like it.
It’s funny how I just look at the ground,
In the middle of a clover field,
And I find a four leafed clover.
Then there’s people who have looked and looked
And have never found one.
It makes me think. Am I lucky?
Are these four leafed clovers lucky?
The sun is warm, shining down on me,
But the wind is cool.
I feel alive, and nothing can bring me down.
As long as I am in this sacred little place
That fills my body with peace.
I was angry before got here.
Sick of my friends and family hurting me.
But the moment I get here,
I’m overwhelmed with serenity,
And I’m free.
Free like the waves crashing on the rocks.
Free like the wind blowing through my hair.
Free like the majestic wolf I am to be.
September, 30, 2009
A true friend, I have realized, is a rare treasure.
Something that once found (if ever),
Should be held on to.
I’ve had best friends come and go.
But there is one of whom I truly miss,
Despite the fact that she hurt me,
Not once, but twice.
I usually know better
Than to hold onto something like that,
But I can’t help it.
I still love her as if she were my sister.
I may never want to see her again.
I may hate her for lying,
But I will never forget her.
The sun, it shines down on me with rays of warmth.
My heart thawing out of it’s icy sleep.
I’m overcome with a new happiness.
A feeling almost forgotten,
Buried deep within my broken heart.
And though the enemy sits a mere thirty feet away,
There’s nothing that they can say to bring me down
This time.
The darkness that filled my life, so fragile,
Now lifted off my shoulders at last.
His soul, given to me as a token of his love.
A treasure so fragile only my hands can hold it.
The scent of his skin still lingers on me,
Something that will never be forgotten.
A gentle touch, and then I’m set free
Of everything so vile to me.
And I’m free.
March 14, 2009
Unwelcome as I feel, here I stay, still.
No one to protect me,
I’m left here on my own.
Enemies all around me,
With their looks of pure evil.
Once providing me with friendship,
Now killing me so slowly.
March 20, 2009
Inside my mind is where I stay,
Safe from all that is.
Away from the world,
I hide here, and worry, I will not.
As long as I am here,
Inside my mind, a safe sanctuary,
Free from doubt and all pain.
My imagination is the only place
I want to be,
So I don’t feel the pain any more.
March 24, 2009
Unexpectedly, a dagger pierces me,
Destroying the temporary happiness I felt.
Now I lay here, my heart bleeding,
With tears running down my face.
I thought it was all over.
But it’s not.
So I’ll die emotionally,
Where no one can find me and save me.
It’s too late now.
May 13, 2009
Another year older,
And still the darkness is inside me.
Another year has passed,
With the depression slowly killing me.
The dawn has passed
With another sleepless night.
So I’ll slowly fall into this land of nightmares,
Where no one can save me from myself.
My soul has been taken,
There’s nothing I can do now.
May 14, 2009
There’s something about him,
Something so angelic
Yet so sinister in a way.
He’s been there in my dreams.
And never ceased to let me down.
I don’t know why,
I don’t think I ever will,
But I want him.
I need him.
I can’t live with out him.
For he holds the key to my heart.
He has my soul,
And forever,
He will.
May 16, 2009
The wind blows through my hair,
And I’m free.
Free of doubt,
Free of worry,
Free of everything that brought me down.
I finally see the beauty in the world.
The peace that never seemed to consume me,
Now has taken over.
And, alas, I am happy,
Even for a moment so brief.
But who am I to care,
As long as I feel it’s serenity.
It’s beautiful, this feeling.
I cannot explain,
For it is more than happiness.
June 7, 2009
I hate life.
When will I wake up from this nightmare.
It seems like every where I go,
I’m tormented.
September 27, 2009
I went to my place at the rocks.
The only place where I can be at peace.
There’s no one around,
The way I like it.
It’s funny how I just look at the ground,
In the middle of a clover field,
And I find a four leafed clover.
Then there’s people who have looked and looked
And have never found one.
It makes me think. Am I lucky?
Are these four leafed clovers lucky?
The sun is warm, shining down on me,
But the wind is cool.
I feel alive, and nothing can bring me down.
As long as I am in this sacred little place
That fills my body with peace.
I was angry before got here.
Sick of my friends and family hurting me.
But the moment I get here,
I’m overwhelmed with serenity,
And I’m free.
Free like the waves crashing on the rocks.
Free like the wind blowing through my hair.
Free like the majestic wolf I am to be.
September, 30, 2009
A true friend, I have realized, is a rare treasure.
Something that once found (if ever),
Should be held on to.
I’ve had best friends come and go.
But there is one of whom I truly miss,
Despite the fact that she hurt me,
Not once, but twice.
I usually know better
Than to hold onto something like that,
But I can’t help it.
I still love her as if she were my sister.
I may never want to see her again.
I may hate her for lying,
But I will never forget her.
These are journal entries that I wrote into stanzas to form poems. They describe my feelings during a time that I was bullied to the point of wanting suicide. How any happiness I felt would be soon destroyed, the friends that I lost, about how my mind and secret place were my only safe havens.
