Sometimes, I feel like I'm
moving
backwards.
I like myself less and less,
and a
little
less
each day.
Jealousy and sickness grow
rampant
inside me.
My head has been swelling
for months on end,
and my heart has been
shrinking
and shriveling.
I don't feel like
myself
anymore.
I am sad
and bitter
a irritable.
So many things I never was
before.
I go searching for
disappointment,
and still turn up
even more
empty
handed.
Everything hurts in me.
My body is giving up on me.
I begin each day
with my head
throbbing.
I can't eat.
I don't sleep.
And I am steadily losing
patience,
and
myself.
He's back.
That same monster.
From so many years before.
I wish he would leave me alone.
And yet I am still here,
fighting.
An ongoing war
inside
myself.