•

I don't understand,
Why people would say I am good,
I am not good,
I've been bad,
I am just trying to be good.

I don't understand,
Why people would say I am beautiful,
I am not beautiful!
When did I even become beautiful????
I never was,
And will never be!

I don't understand,
Why people would say I have a good voice,
Did they even hear me?
I sing only in my room,
My voice should only be heard by me,
'Cause never in my life did I have had a good voice.

I don't understand,
Why people would say I am smart,
I am never smart,
Never did it happen,
I am dull,
I always fail.

I don't understand,
Why people would say I am lucky,
You don't know my life,
You don't know what I have been dealing with,
I am not lucky,
I am dying and it's not lucky.

I cannot see the good in me,
'Cause I never have good in me,
All are bad with failures,
All are just trying,
But they never work,
All are not enough,
In all I do,
There's always people who look down on me,
And step me hard down to hell,
'Cause I don't do enough,
And never did I do enough.


Sometimes I always feel,
For many years,
That I just wanna hAng myself,
Or cut my throat,
Or overdose myself,
Drink toxic stuff,
Jump from a high building,
In any way I could **** myself,
Just to be free from pain,
It's ironic I am good giving advice to other people,
They said I helped them,
Never did they know,
That I never helped myself,
I guess it's better,
We can help other people,
Though honestly,
I am never good at advising,
Since I can't even hear my own words.

I don't understand,
Why life is just so unfair to me,
I can only see darkness,
Where's the light?




© Earl Jane
♥ E.J.C.S.