I want to start this off by saying that I still love you And some mornings I wake up feeling like Everything you touch is luckier than I am Sometimes I feel empty Because its easier when there’s nothing there I miss your voice When it was kinder And some nights I hurt so much I swear my body is bruised from the words you said to me
You were a band-aid drenched in loneliness And some twisted mind above Believes that I can wring out the insanity of all this I’m trying so hard not to regret what I once wanted But had I known what I know now I would have never wanted you Hell is only getting to make love to you in my sleep And I’ve lived in hell for weeks
I initiated our first kiss And I’m proud of this for two reasons One. Because it was down by the river where my grandfather’s ashes were scattered, along with your father’s And in a way it made me feel like they were rooting for us to be happy – Together. Two. Because that moment proved that neither of us are the people we seem In all your confidence and glory you sat there staring at your shoes While my fragile spirit made a brave leap toward your lips
I should have known it would never work We’d look at the same stars and see different things I have a long list of scraped knees but you never cared to ask me where I got them Your apathy was more solid than my self-loathing More solid that my sincerity I told you the stories of what sculpted my scars Stories that had my mind beating from the memories But you have no patience for misery And my misery really does love company.
As if you were a long awaited guest Holding happiness at my doorstep I welcomed you with open arms But you were only in town for a night And pain is my neighbor. I forgot that having a big heart Meant there was more at stake to be broken Because I was so **** elated to give it to you I’ve learned that we bend so we don’t break That you don’t drown by falling in the water You drown by staying there I’ll keep loving you until I learn to love myself I’m trying to swallow the fact that for now Change is the only consistent thing I’ll get I can only accept that you will eventually live the regret Of pushing someone away Who only wanted to love you I can only hope You’ll torture yourself Over your ambivalence when you had me I wanted to be the only help you ever needed But it seems your heart’s sickness is terminal Now I am yet another thing You can shrug off with indifference I wish you let me help you.