seemed like we were never getting back to this
but look where we are now
and look at what we're doing
still walking backwards to
meet each other's
eyes on the streets.
playing a child's game
with twiddling thumbs
and it's been almost two years
that we've shrugged it off
and
you took me to the snow
and
it was my birthday

(the reunion of the
day
you tried to **** me)

and
ever since
you kissed her concrete slab face
and smacked my pride with it
we haven't been very fond of
speaking.
we just scream with our eyes burning holes in each others
hoodies.

and i may have
deleted the texts
but i still have the broken bones to prove it, babe.
and i haven't ever tried to love since i will admit
because
everyone else's kisses tasted like bittersweet irony
and i ran away from their hands
because they reminded me of the things you left behind
in the back of my closet
and the
little ovals of purple and blue
on my milky thighs
and
forks and knifes  
tracing my skin with goosebumps
from where you took a stab at me all those nights ago
and
i'll have you and the world know matter of factly
that i said no.

and god ******* **** you.
for rotting my brain
and my teeth
with your contagious ugly
and god ******* **** me
for letting you

you will not ruin this love in my heart.
you will not take away my smile of an innocent child.
you will not live in my skin any longer.

and i?
i will not keep
searching for home in some else's eyes
and running away
and depending on other people
to keep my body warm this winter
and here i am making change
and here you are
pretending you never wanted to get to know me
and here we are
pushing against each other full force
and we're both stuck now.
i just have the ***** to admit it.
and here we are
strangers on the street
once so in love
with the thought of love.

i think it's time
i finally let you go.