i used to think that you were a gift from God.
after all, you came around after i was saved.
i used to use you in my testimony, too.
i never believed them when they said the Devil was testing me.
i had given in quite a few times to him.
but i never, not even for a second, believed that you were
anything but God-given.

what are you now?
a story i'll tell my children when they ask about
the many photos i have of us?
a tall-tale about love that i ruined with my
blackened heart and tarnished promises?
a lost girl with eyes of gold?
advice i'll give to those whom ask about our time together in relation
to their own problems?

my promise still stands.
i won't **** myself.
i have tried enough times to now that
i can't even do that much right.
but i was never going to **** myself over your words
or your actions.
i wanted to die because of myself
and the choices I've made in my own life that
have nothing to do with you.
I've made more mistakes than you could ever know,
leigh.
ones that nobody know about.

i think what is important is the betterment of myself
and of all.
and i don't believe that my death with help.
maybe you do,
but i do not.
i believe my life is worth a lot more than that,
for my God tells me so.

you can try to choke me with your words
and you can wish death upon me
and even declare that meeting me was the
most unluckiest thing that has ever happened in your life.
but just know that all I've ever wanted for you was the best.
and that means that the chapter of you in my life is now over,
because what is best for you is not me.
we should've known that a long time ago.
maybe we did,
but we just didn't want to say it out loud.

so have the best.
live a happy life.
be the best you can be.
smile, laugh, and learn from the unlucky chapter in your life that was
me.

that's all i can say.
i still believe that you were God-given,
you know.
like i said, i never once believed that you weren't.
so take your God-given gifts and love with all of your might.

you've taught me so much,
and i'll forever be grateful for the time you were in my life.
even though you don't feel the same about me.