I chose not to trust him tonight
I chose to head to the bars alone
away from ilyse
and I chose to keep to myself, hugging some
I asked some for reassurance, I suppose,
but for the most part I kept to myself, hung to myself
hung by myself
staggered at my own self
staggered at all of it
I am desparate
fallen into a well of void
I want to be just like HIM, just like THEM
i'd like to FIT IN BETTER
but I am
STUCK
in this vanity
of shrinking infinity
slick this off my back and turn to the next onward motion and hope that it sticks! for gods sakes, for the poor old boy
give him a shot of bourbon, he needs it

this THING
eating at my guts
is it forever?

eternal?

you would know, you thrusting GASHING
BIRD, CARDINAL
GO BACK TO YOUR PERCH