The truth is
I don’t feel strong
I feel weak
Dehydrated
Anxious

I woke at 3am covered in sweat
5am again
Got up at 6
Worrying about the day ahead

Tiny things
Simple things
That seem way beyond me

She cannot bear my weakness
I cannot bear her indifference

I watch with envy
Travelers boarding the train
I imagine their successful lives
Whilst denigrating my own
Asking, can I ever ever ever be happy?

I travel to a place I don’t want to go to
But there is no place
I do want to go

Last night I said I was overstretched in all areas
And yet here I am still
Fighting for myself
Fighting for...
What?

More of the same?