I don't exactly know how to phrase it when we've been told
romantic love is the be-all, end-all of it all. I don't exactly know
how to say what I feel without sounding shallow and emotionless
but what I have learned, in my heart, is this:
that love isn't love that takes.
that me needing love to survive,
wanting it at the cost of all else,
and seeing it as the end goal of my life-
is setting me up to love for the sake of love by itself
and love for the sake of having it. By definition,
if romantic love is my life goal, any love I have
is taking. I have learned that
I don't need another person to fulfill my life
and it's foolish to act as though it's all pointless without love.
I have learned that to be poor and with the love of your life
is nice, and a beautiful happy life, but to be rich and single allows you
to give your riches to charity and spend your career changing the world
maybe at the cost of your own happiness, maybe not.
I have learned that even if it costs my own happiness, it is
better for me and anyone to sacrifice being with someone you love
for the sake of other people. I don't deserve that happiness
if it means it's going to forbid me from
changing the world in a positive way. I don't deserve that happiness
if it means I am alone with the one I love and have selfishly decided
my love is more important than anything else.
I have learned that there are many examples of people
who have lived their lives without love and have had wonderful lives.
I have learned that mere happiness is not the goal of the eternal soul.
I have learned that it's not boring or pointless or heartbreaking when one
doesn't end up with someone- I have learned that to sacrifice
my whole life for the sake of another person doesn't mean to give up
everything to be with them, either romantically or sexually.
I have learned that we must sacrifice ourselves, our wants, our needs
for the sake of God's kingdom- that whatever I want is nothing to His wants,
and that He does not want what I want. His ways are higher than mine.
I might want to be married, I might want to have kids
but what I've learned has told me that's not the point. That's not the end.
A man hath no greater love than this: to lay down his life for his friends.
Friends. I can, and will, give up everything for my friends,
everything for God. That's what love is. Self-sacrifice, not self-fulfillment
not "who I can be", but "who I can help you to be"-
not the light at the end of the tunnel, but the person willing to die.
I have been asking and looking for a perfect person
that understands me, is willing to be my partner and crime,
and loves me just as much or more as I love them. I found Him.
His name is Jesus Christ. And I know that I wouldn't give up Him
to be with anyone in the world. That's why. That's why. That's why.