i.
you kissed and touched me
even when i begged you to stop
you stole my innocence
then blamed me for the tragedy
you stole my faith in men
in myself
in my ability to control situations around me
thank you for opening my eyes
to the terrors of the world
and in doing so
making me more cautious and jaded

ii.
you didn't believe me
you thought i was lying
or worse
that i had initiated it
you made me repent
and wash away the taint of
someone else's sin
breaking my trust in
an institution that had claimed
protection and safety
since i was a baby

iii.
you stole what was left of me
on that cool may night
with beer on your breath and
lust in your eyes
when i begged you
and whispered no
you said it'll be over soon
and in the morning my body was sore
and my soul was gone
you were my biggest secret

iv.
you told me how fat i was
and that i didn't need to eat that
to eat this
to indulge
because how could i be a beautiful bride
if i gained an ounce
let alone a pound
your own insecurities and brokenness
spilled over and colored me
shameful and dependent
until i finally gained enough strength to leave

v.
you were the first man
who held me and touched me
and didn't make me cringe
because you actually liked me
you listened to me
and heard my words
you stopped when i asked
and didn't take advantage
you were so kind and
my first friend in a new place
so i'll never be able to repay you
for helping to rebuild my trust in the opposite ***

vi.
i remember so clearly
when we first started talking
how i knew i wasn't good enough for someone like you
i was broken
stained with the tragedies i'd experienced
no longer pure
that night you listened
for six hours
as i told you every terrible event
all the mistakes i'd made
then you loved me all the more
and i realized that i wasn't so broken
at least not beyond repair
and your love was making me whole again
and continues to do so
to this day